Popular culture has a lot to answer for in regard to expectations on how women experience pleasure. Penis in and out of vagina = orgasm…..hmmm maybe for some people but probably not for a lot of other people. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that pleasure in the form of an orgasm or anything else may not be so easily achieved.  We can always learn to be more active in our pleasure.  Here are a few ideas which might help you along the way.


OMY YES is an online resource which is all about learning about female pleasure. It was developed in partnership with Indiana University and The Kinsey Institute who conducted 1,000 in-depth interviews with women about their sexual experiences.

The site shows actual techniques on experiencing female pleasure with descriptions and videos of women demonstrating these techniques on themselves. The one downside of OMG YES is that it is a paid website, however, at a cost of $39AU for the first season it is really worth the money.

Sexual stories

Exposing yourself to stories, either on film or in literature, which have a sexual component can be an effective way of exploring pleasure. With regards to film, there is female positive porn out there but that may not be for everyone. Literature on the other hand may be more accessible and enjoyable for some. Look beyond 50 Shades of Grey for some good romance or erotica to find something you might like. A good place to start is the iBooks 'top chart' lists. These lists are always dominated by romance and erotic novels (even though everyone denies reading them!) and they also have lots of free books available to download. 


Pleasure does not need to be sexual. Very simply you can find pleasure from looking after yourself, in fact, sexual pleasure is probably difficult to experience if you aren't! Here are a few tips for self-care which everyone needs to be reminded of from time to time:

  • Exercise and maintain a general level of fitness
  • Eat well and don't drink to excess
  • Maintain good mental health
  • Get good quality sleep
  • Develop strategies to manage stress and anxiety
  • Do things you enjoy that are just for you