I’m not going to lie–
I have attempted to write this introduction more than a dozen times! Should I write about me? Should I write about sex? Should I write about me and sex? Or simply keep it clinical and safe in my familiar MRKH bubble? Should I just express my gratitude for being involved in such a wonderful and unique business proposition with this much needed platform, because I truly am.
A psychologist/advisor/friend of mine recently said to me, “if there was a portion of your life I would ‘work’ with you on, it would be your late teens where you underwent ‘treatment’ to create a full length and fully functional vagina. There lies your trauma Ally”.
Being diagnosed at such a young and vulnerable age with a diagnosis that meant, not only would I be unable to carry a pregnancy but in order for me to experience a ‘normal’ (penetrative) sexual relationship, I would have to under go a do-it-yourself ‘physical therapy’. I was already one of those annoying dark and moody teenagers; an introspective bystander however, with this information, I fell so far down, it has taken me some twenty years to find my feminine identity and excavate my way back up!
But I did –I have.
For twenty minutes morning and night, I would head to my bedside drawers and pull out three dilators and a tube of KY Jelly, all sneakily wrapped in a scrappy bathroom towel!
Treatment = uncomfortable, awkward, painful and a form of emotional self-harm that did some long term damage (looking back at it now).
I did create a vagina but what I also created, was a terrible and bruised self-esteem, a warped view of men and sex and (what I continue to work on daily), how my body works despite a good two decades hiding in an annex of reasons as to why I am not ‘normal'.
Now, I choose to dedicate my life in the pursuit of making those erky conversations less erky and I do so, by connecting with likeminded individuals and international partners who have a passion and intrigue to do the same.
In turn, I have learnt (or learning) to look into the mirror for a little while longer – enjoy the word desire - be inquisitive with love – be forgiving with the realities of ‘real life’sex and find The Happy V within!
So, that’s me. One very honest but very passionate ‘Happy V’ partner.
Please enjoy you!